Malamute Funnies



If you respond better to nicknames than you do your given name, you just might be a malamute

If you make noises equivalent to Chewbacca on Star Wars, you just might be a malamute

If you convert your back yard into what looks to be a cratered moonscape, you just might be a malamute

If you think you own the neighborhood, the yard, the house, all items within the yard and house, and the people that feed you, you just might be a malamute

You just might have a Malamute;


If you come home and find what looks like a field of snowballs in your living room and find out it is actually dog fur

If you come home and find what looks like a field of snowballs in your living room and find out it's the remains of your beanie baby

If all your neighbors line up at your front door and ask if your dog can come out and play

If all the neighborhood dogs are barking, and you need to look out the window just to see if your dog is still alive because you don't hear it. You notice it is innocently playing with some inanimate object as if it were alive (what a good doggie)

If you have an elaborate earthen tunnel highway system in your back yard resembling Martian undergroundhousing test units

If it is well below freezing temperatures and your dog just wants to go outside to play

If it is above room temperature outside and all your dog just wants to come inside and sleep on the tile

If all you have to do is give your dog no more than 3-4 cups of food a day and it looks better and healthierthan all its jealous doggie friends

If you run the vacuum cleaner and your dog turns into a ghost

If your vacuuming and you see a furry thing flash past you as soon as you enter the room that the dog washiding in, then again when you enter the next room, and again (notice the semi smile on the dogs face as if it's playing)

You just might have a Malamute;


If your dog drinks more water than you do

If your dog licks its own feet clean,grooms itself, then begins to lick your feet clean and groom you.

If your dog is petrified of the garden hose only when it is on

If your dog will get no where near a lit fire, especially if it was intended to keep anything warm

If you purposely save some of your meal for the dog even though your are stillhungry (sacrifice for the loved ones)

If your neighbors and compliment you on how good your dog smells, and of course that's before the dog bath

If you have never taken your dog to the groomers and it still looks as good as can be (malamutes don't need grooming, only brushing periodically)

If you howl and your dog howls with you

If your dog gives an sudden occasional howl at 1am (they love to sing and to speak to their ancestors on the wind)

If your dog has better things to do than howl at sirens (if you have more than one malamute, they usually don't howl at sirens)

You just might have a Malamute;


If you have a neighbor call you and ask you if your dog is loose, your sure its not, so you look outsideand see an empty back yard

If you have barbed wire, in-ground fencing hog wired to the bottom of the chain link, a hotwire system, and a double entry gate system

If your dog only listens to you when if it feels fit-to, and only if it deems absolutely necessary or beneficial to its well being

If you have to get on one knee just to get your dog to come to you

If you sleep on the couch, or worse in the dog house, and your dog sleeps with your spouse

If you raised your malamute with your cat and it likes nothing more than to mouth the cat and roll-overwith the cat in its jaws to play with it

If your cat finds your dogs fur coat to be its rightly-owned personal down blanket, and sometimes even fightsthe dog to stay still for it

If your dog protects your children even from you (in a herding way, not an aggressive way)

If your children get corralled around the house by your dog as if they were cattle

If your dog takes your children for a walk, and steadfastly protects it from strangers

If you come home to find your dogs in the house, but you left them outside, and you notice that the contentsof the garbage cans, lower kitchen cabinets, and your laundry are neatly spread over the entire house in an orderly fashion with no apparentdamage to anything to anything but the food items (only if its an outdoors dog, indoors dogs learn quick)

You just might have a Malamute;


If you get up to get something to drink and you come back and find your sandwich missing

If your dog got into your dirty laundry, and stole your shoes, misplaced them. Once you find them you notice that there isn't even one scratch on them, you then realize your dog was just looking for a reminder of its friend to sleep with

If when your watching tv you look next to you and see one of your shoes sitting there, but your sure youleft both of them in the other room, the dog is nowhere in sight

If your dog is a pickier eater that your own daughter when it comes to human food

If your dog eats avocados, tomatoes, grapes, lettuce, and other fresh fruits and vegetables (smart dog)

If the IQ of your dog is greater than your 5 year old child, and exercises it regularly by outsmarting even you

If you can never find your dog when you call it, then you soon start to realize that the first place you need to look is always behind you(stealthy suckers, how do they do it?)

If your neighbor calls you, asks you if your dog is on the loose, you look in the backyard, its missing. So you ask your spouse if they have seen it, and they promptly point behind you (sneaky suckers, they like to play and outsmart)

If the squeaker goes out in the squeaky animal but the stuffed animal still lasts for years longer. You dare not throw it out because it might break your dogs heart

If newcomers hesitate to come into your yard because they are afraid of your dog, but little do they knowthat the dog even is more cautious of them

You just might have a Malamute;


If you go camping out in the snow and the dog will not come inside the tent or cabin, it wants to sleepout in the COLD snow

If your camping, you unzip your tent and you look for your dog, all you see through the snow is a pair of black nostril holes peering from the snow surface and hear a cozy comfortable slumbering animal under there (don't brush the snow off, its the dogs wind blanket)

If you bring your dog with you to a neighbors house, you turn and notice the dogs gone, then after a thoroughsearch of the neighborhood you come home to find the dogpanting heavily laying next to the water dish waiting for you with a HUGE grinon its face

If at 6 in the morning after you wake up you hear them playing outside ever so quietly, then as soon as they realizeyou are awake they really start roughing each other up, as as soon as they see you peek out of the curtain all activity ceases and they come running to the window or they go lay down to rest (next time peek more carefully)

If you look into the dog yard and see an empty yard, you open the back door to see if they are still inthe yard, still nothing, then you simply rattle a food wrapper and they come out of the woodwork like a freight train

When your dogs periodically plan andstage a yard breakoutand make all necessary preparations overnight,and promptly execute the plan in the morning 5 minutes before your alarm clock goes off when you are most vulnerable from not being ableto stop them, then you spend the next halfhour rallying them up.

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